Länge och väl har jag tänkt på hur jag skulle kommentera Rammsteins nya (NSFW) “porr-video”. Och det enda som faller mig in är att säga: “FAN!”
Det mesta av det politiskt inkorrekta såsom knulla hemhjälpen, borra sekreteraren, horor, shemales*, BDSM och sexhotell är som att tyskarna ger alla andra en lavett. En riktig lavett.
Jag kan tänka mig (såsom nef skriver [med bättre ord]) att många börjar klaga på att hårdrocken inte har världens vackraste kvinnosyn, när videon egentligen drar upp långfingret åt censuren och dagens “skydda-barnen-samhälle”. Tänk hårdrock som 70-talets punk. Det anarkistiska och politiskt inkorrekta. Det drog-, sex- och religions-liberala. En länk i yttrandefrihetens långa kedja.
För vad är det för fel med att leva livet så som man själv vill leva den? Vad är det för fel med att fånga livet på sitt eget sätt? Vad är det för fel med frihet?
“So take me now before it’s too late. Life’s too short, I can’t wait.”
That’s a screen cap of Rammstein’s latest, “Pussy.” The last time I heard about these guys, I was on the other end of the music industry, pitching press releases to bloggers and writers. Well, it’s been a few years since then and they have been quiet – until now. I’m pretty sure its safe to say that titties will put you back in the spotlight after a long absence.
I don’t really have to tell you that this is NSFW. You’ll never find this on youtube, so watch it here.
alfonsozayas (11:19:57 AM): im gonna write about the new rammstein video
theaudioperv (11:20:10 AM): haha. isnt it great
alfonsozayas (11:20:24 AM): not gonna lie, i got a boner
Hey, cocksucker! Yeah, you in the taco hat. I have some questions.
What happens if you try to rape a masochist? One of those chicks who like to be called whores (which is convenient, because that’s what I call them anyway) and held down? Would she report it, or would she start calling her friends to brag about how she got ass-fisted in a dark alley? As a rapist, would that kill the turgid loin roast? What if she was into it, but fought back like she wasn’t? Would it be like a challenge to make her sorry she ever wore that “Rape Me, Mister!” tank top? You could nail her tits to the top of a dumpster and lop off her toes with bolt cutters and make her eat them while you cut holes in her thighs and put your balls inside and jerk off. But there’s still a chance she’s a total pain slut and she’ll recount the whole thing on Facebook, talking about how “hawt” it was to almost bleed to death. My rule of thumb: if she cums, you’re not going to prison.
If poor countries are so good at growing chocolate and making clothes, why don’t we buy them and turn them into factories? They’re fucking poor. Offer them a black-and-white tv to put by the community well and they’ll be on our side. Give them something to do, pay them in rice, and we get the same shit we’re buying now, but without all the fees. If they’re really good, import them to the States to be hookers and waiters and let them send some extra rice home to their billions of cross-eyed cousins. Turn the rich countries into vacation destinations and let the poor here do stuff like serving hamburgers and refilling ATMs. The entire economy can be based on the fact that we kick ass and everyone wants to come here. It’s been working for fucking Europe for years!
If abstinence is so great, why do so many Catholics girls have herpes? I mean, I don’t have real statistics, but I’ve seen the sores. And isn’t it convenient that these chaste women tend to marry chaste men, so neither of them ever hear about how fucking terrible they are? That, or the men have been fucking around and can’t say anything because that would let the pussy out of the bag. Why are priests constantly getting caught with their cocks in some kid or teen or other guy’s wife (who’s probably just searching for an orgasm because her husband has to reference the encyclopedia to remember what he’s doing)? I’m just saying… Spread your legs at a frat kegger and you’re fucked once or twice, maybe six times at the most. Keep yourself in the dark until a four-inch “great father” comes along and you’re fucked forever.
If weed’s such a powerful and evil drug, why aren’t potheads shiving each other in dark alleys? If it’s so detrimental to life, how have smokers I know moved into managerial positions, gotten married and raised children? I’d rather be in an argument with someone who’s high than someone who’s drunk. The guy who’s drunk isn’t going to start laughing in the middle of a stare-down and invite me over to play Pac-Man. Some of the effects are similar: both pot and beer will get your cock sucked. Only if you’re drunk, you’ll pass out and puke in her hair. And alcohol hasn’t done shit for California’s budget. 500,000 acres of vineyard is fucking stupid. Let’s say 200 g per plant, divided by market cost, offset by weather and the derivative of the Nikkei index… Fuck. Well, this guy says about 24 million a year, per acre. Grapes can suck my independently wealthy asshole.
I have more questions… but I need to get some clit typing done. So you’ll just have to tune in to my new PBS special. They wouldn’t let me finish taping it because I “use foul language” and “bit the production designer’s nipple.” But I’ve spliced it together with some infrared horse porn and the pilot for my puppet-based series: Frannie Fetus and Me. (Think Lambchop with more placenta.) As soon as I can get eFukt to host it, I’ll post a link. These guys are so big on censorship…
We met in our spot. A long, lingering kiss. Many more little kisses. Laying on a blanket. So nice, sunny, breezy. Cool. Sparkling sun.
We talked, caught up on the week for the events in both of our lives. It had been days since we’d talked. Emails and chat are decent enough substitutes when you really can’t talk on the phone. They can’t hold a candle to actually talking in person.
I kept staring into her beautiful eyes.
She told me that today was about me; that she wanted to make me cum. She suggested road head; I’d never had it before. I was secretly thinking of suggesting it, but she beat me to the punch.
She thought she was hungry, so we went to a local restaurant, but we didn’t order any food. We sat and talked. A lot. One of the best conversations we’ve ever had.
After a while, it was time to go.
I drove her car.
I quickly got us on the freeway; I had a country road in the middle of nowhere in mind. I couldn’t stop smiling with the idea of road head. I was actually a little worried– not so much about being caught. I figured we wouldn’t have to worry about the police. I did worry about being able to control the car; W is an expert at what she is able to do with her mouth. She drives me crazy. I love it.
It wasn’t long before she had me unzipped and was playing with my cock, her hand and my cock hidden under my shirt.
Once we had been on the freeway for a while, we hit a stretch of road where there weren’t cars in front of behind of us for several hundred yards, and we were keeping pace with traffic.
“Please put my cock in your mouth,” I half asked, half pleaded her.
She obliged, unbuckling the seatbelt and bending over. He mouth felt incredible– warm, wet, soft. Completely fuckable. I had the car on cruise control, and I was managing to steer pretty well.
And so it went for a mile, two or three, at best. After a while, I could see a car coming up behind us. I asked her to get up. She did, but I sighed a long sigh.
We traveled a few more miles. The exit came upon us quickly. It took a few more minutes to come to the ideal country road; no stoplight, paved, two lane. Farms on either side. Perfect.
“Ok, I think it’s time,” I told her.
Actually, I don’t remember exactly what I told her, I just told her something because all I could think about was her mouth on my cock.
She swallowed me whole. Her technique is amazing, gentle, teasing at times, fierce and urgent at others. During the whole time I was trying to keep my eyes on the road, which wasn’t easy, given the fact that a beautiful woman was sucking my cock and all I had to do was glance down in order to see it.
I managed to keep my speed close to what I thought the limit was; I hadn’t seen any signs, but wasn’t that worried. I also was able to keep in my lane, no doubt a testament to all of the racing videogames I played as a kid. The road was mercifully straight most of the journey, but there were a few gentle turns.
She kept up her ministrations to my member. (Alliteration, anyone?)
I no time, I knew I was going to cum. It was unbelievable. I kept my eyes open. (We had actually talked about this earlier, if I would be able to keep them open or not. I knew I had to. She thought I would.)
And still she kept sucking while I kept cumming.
I pulled over in the gravel driveway of a farm. I gave her a kiss, zipped up and told her it was time to return the favor.
I turned the car around and pulled back onto the country road we had just driven down.
My hand went instinctively between her legs. She was so wet to the touch, a welcome sensation. She spread her legs (as much as was possible in her car) and I drove with my left hand and fingered her with my right. In no time, her legs began to shake and her breathing grew heavy. She was cumming. Moaning.
She was loud. Very loud. Maybe it was the small car, I don’t know. In any case it was nice to hear her be so loud.
I got her off again a few hundred feet before we turned onto the road that led to the interstate, which led to our divergence back into our regular lives.
This is your Captain speaking…………welcome aboard fuckers.
There’s an old guy from Brooklyn on YouTube who did a video about how no matter what you do for a woman, it’s never good enough. Well, the Kid from Brooklyn is right!
When I married my wife I was working a blue collar job and going to school. Of course AFTER the marriage she loved to tell me how my back-breaking labor and attending class didn’t compare to her government office job. Why? Because she had to supervise 3 or 4 people. Nice huh.
Now I’m going to school full-time to get my MBA and I work full time in the financial industry making 3 times as much as I did then and guess what? Yes, her low level government job is sooooooo much more stressfull than my full time job and student status.
They’re never fucking happy, they never lose that bullshit victim mentality. Not to mention the fact that when she talks to her jabber-jaw fucking friends, she tries to take credit for what I’ve done. Nevermind the fucking fact that I can’t even study in my own home.
That’s right, its just like on Sundays fellas, you’ve been there when its game time and that’s when she decides to fire up the vaccum. Its passive aggressive bullshit like that, always interupting, complaining about some stupid shit, anything to keep me from doing my work but yet the bitch wants to take fucking credit.
Having a wife has been a handicap when it comes to my career and my education. Hands fucking down!
Don’t make the same mistake I made guys. If you aren’t meeting the women that you want to meet, look up some PUA information, its everywhere on the web and it does work. DO NOT FUCKING SETTLE!!!!
It make take me a minute to get out, but I am getting the fuck out of this mess and I am NEVER getting married or living with a bitch ever again!
“The New York City Bad Boy” is an erotic ROMANCE novella blog, and slowly builds the sexual tension. You must start at “The New York City Bad Boy” posting at the beginning of this blog – August 13, 2009 – and read every day after to read it in order. If you want short, steamy erotic stories that get straight to the sex, check out “Cougar Stories” by Romance Columnist Kate Mercer on the RSS Feed
Bueeeno bueeno bueno… Aquí vuelvo de nuevo para contaros lo que he estado escuchando durante las vacaciones!
Desde que publiqué el anterior capítulo de novedades al comenzar el verano la verdad es que no me han llegado muchas cosas interesantes pero eso sí, lo poco que se ha salvado es de gran calidad.
Muse con su líder Matt Bellamy en el centro
>>> Empezamos con los dos singles de adelanto del próximo disco de Muse, llamado The Resistance y que en principio está previsto que salga a la calle este mismo 15 de Septiembre. La primera toma de contacto fue este United States of Eurasia con el que os dejo:
¿Alguna primera impresión…? ¡A mí al instante se me vino la imagen del mismísimo Freddie Mercury y su Bohemian Rhapsody a la mente!. Pensadlo bien si no habéis llegado a esa conclusión: fusión total con la música clásica, cinco minutos de duración, coros clavaditos, piano lento y melódico… En fin, entrando en el posible debate de si es un plagio descarado o una especie de homenaje/inspiración he de decir rotundamente que me decanto por la segunda opción ya que aún así el tema lleva el inconfundible sello de la banda.
En fin, tras este sonoro JUAS os presento el segundo single adelanto, Uprising, que sigue claramente la línea del último álbum de la banda y probablemente sea un mensaje de tranquilidad para el gran público llano que no soporta los experimentos y se esperaba una continuación de su anterior trabajo.
>>> Cambiamos de tercio a unos chicos bastante más rudos y duros pero menos virtuosos y civilizados… Me refiero a los alemanes Rammstein.
Los alemanes Rammstein con sus uniformes insdustrio-militar
Desde que Rosenrot agotara todo lo que tenían compuesto han estado unos años escribiendo nuevo material y ya está todo prácticamente listo para su estreno en Octubre. El 18 de Septiembre lanzarán además un single llamado Pussy y ya os adelanto que será lo suficientemente provocativo como para levantar ampollas otra vez.
De momento os dejo con esta pequeña filtración/muestra de la grabación de uno de las nuevas canciones, la prometedora y cañera Mëhr.
>> Seguimos con un redescubrimiento que he tenido la suerte de realizar, los ingleses Elbow y sobretodo su último trabajo que fue publicado el año pasado, The Seldom Seen Kid.
Con una mezcolanza de sonidos cercana a Radiohead, Coldplay, U2 o incluso R.E.M. esta inusual banda de tardía maduración ha logrado por fin triunfar en su tierra. De hecho gustan tanto en Reino Unido que están a punto de lanzar un impresionante disco en directo con la orquesta de la BBC a sus órdenes… Os dejo con mis dos temas favoritos que tienen una puntuación personal de AWESOME (¡sobretodo el segundo!):
>> Los siguientes en ser presentados son el dúo Goldfrapp, otro conjunto atípico de músicas y formas poco corrientes llenas de ritmos pausados, melodías oníricas y sintetizadores experimentales. La verdad es que, como a Elbow, les conocía de hace bastante pero nunca se me había ocurrido profundizar en ellos hasta que hace unos días mi compañera de trabajo Alba (graciaaas! ) me recomendó los dos temas que ahora mismo os voy a mostrar.
En primer lugar va la melancólica Lovely Head, el primer sencillo de su carrera y con la que lograron hacerse un hueco rápidamente…
…Y en segundo lugar la más rara y mi preferida, Utopia, a la que considero una obra maestra desde que la escuché por primera vez hace unos días:
>> Por último y tras este baño de chill out y electrónica experimental os dejo con otro gran descubrimiento que he almacenado en mi ignorante y vacía despensa musical… ¿De quién podía ser? ¿Quién podría estar de por medio?
Exacto. El inefable Michael Jackson y sus cuatro hermanos tras esas enooooooooormes bolas de pelo… En otras palabras, Los Jackson Five.
Y es que fue un gran fallo por mi parte tener controlada la obra musical de Jacko y no haberme fijado antes en sus comienzos junto a sus hermanos… (aunque últimamente lo hayamos tenido hasta en la sopa hasta aburrirnos). Aparte de los clásicos ABC y I Want You Back en general no me entusiasman hasta que me fijé en Can You Feel It, un tema de una enorme energía y alegría y cuyo estribillo se me pega como las lapas. Ojito con el vídeo, que por lo visto allá por 1981 estaba a la vanguardia en el apartado de efectos especiales:
